Do You Really Want Closure or is That Just YOUR Excuse for Staying Stuck?

He treated you poorly when you were together. You had issues with him being unfaithful or not making a comittment. You had issue after issue, problem after problem, and now he is gone and you are broken up. You talk with your girlfriends about your ex all the time. They continue to tell you he was not worthy of you, he didn’t know you were the best thing he could ever hope to have and you are better off without him. They all say it is time for you to move on, and good riddance to him!

You tell them that you feel you can’t move on without closure. Do you really believe this or is this just a line of BS because you really want him back? The “lack of closure” many women claim to want is, simply put, a lie. They actually are avoiding closure, because they don’t want to accept the reality that a) it really IS over or b) that is really SHOULD be over. The “closure card” is now being played instead of telling your friends and family (or whoever else is listening) “I know he is a loser, I know he treats me like dog doo, I know I will be in for more of the same behavior that I always used to complain about or cry over but I WANT HIM BACK!”

I talk to women all the time that say they are waiting for closure and will only get it when he calls them and they can speak their mind. I give them my “you are so full of shit” look, because most of them are. What they really should be saying is “I want him to call so I can have the upper hand. He will try to be nice and get me back and I will tell him all he has done wrong to me and he will feel bad and promise to change. I will then have to give him the benefit of the doubt and give him another shot, because if I don’t………………………..drum roll please………… I will never know if it could have worked out and therefore won’t have CLOSURE!!”

Gotta love the closure thing, it’s a woman’s best friend when they want to do something stupid, for instance, writing, calling or ambushing him in person. Ladies, the truth of the matter is,   most of you are seeking a reaction from him. I have not yet met a woman (maybe some of you exist) that says they want closure and then call, email/write the ex, or see the ex in person, say what they have to say and let it go. Nope. If it is really just about you saying your piece, then how your EX reacts, what he says, what he does, feels and thinks about it WOULD NOT MATTER TO YOU AT ALL. It would be all about YOU, and that is what closure is for, YOU.

When his feelings, reactions (or lack of), emotions (or lack of), response (or lack of) have ANYTHING to do with it, then what you are seeking is NOT closure. What you are seeking is DIALOGUE. A continuum. Closure is an ENDING. Not a continuum. So be honest with yourself and the people in your life. Know your real intentions. Then you can actually deal with your real feelings about this relationship and get the help and support you need.

Women LOVE to say they don’t play games. All I know is men DON’T play the closure game, women do.